You Have 183 New Messages!
by terrans
Summary: Pearl isn't the only one who thinks that Phoenix should get a new girlfriend.


"Maya, no."

"But Nick!"

"No means no. There is absolutely, most certainly, no WAY I'm joining that dating site."

The black haired girl pouts, still starting at Phoenix. "Nick, you _need_ a new girlfriend." She turns around, back to the computer, and continues filling in Phoenix's information. Phoenix turns off the power source.

"Hey!" Maya yells.

Phoenix calmly stands up and questions: "Remember the last time I got a new girlfriend?"

Maya continues to pout. "I've heard this story a dozen times. You always talk about her when I'm trying to get you a good match. Just because _one _of your girlfriends tried to kill you, it doesn't mean that all of them will. Probably." She jumped out her chair and hopped over to the switch- _flick!_ The screen lights up again, and she goes back onto that website. Phoenix sighs.

"Maya, please."

She ignores him.

**_Phoenix Wright. 25 y/o. Male. Works as a lawyer._**

"Wha- Why are you putting in my job?"

Maya stares, deadpan into the lawyer's eyes. "No more objections? I'm putting in your job because girls love people who work with law."

"R-Right..." Phoenix flinches. "Wait, no, wrong!"

"There's nothing wrong."

"Everything is wrong!"

"No, everything is..."

Maya pauses, and concentrates on the screen. "...Wright?"

"Yes?" Phoenix glances at the computer.

**_1 New Message_**

"Would you look at that." Maya points to the notification. "I knew you'd be popular, but I wasn't expecting a message for at _least_ another week!"

Disregarding Phoenix's complaints, she opens the message, and slowly reads it out. Phoenix covers his ears.

"Ahem," she begins. "_You have received a new message from... Larry Butz._" There's a severe look of disappointment on the assistant's face, but she continues. "_Hey, Nick! I was searching for your name, and it looks like you finally made a social media account! That's rad and all, but wouldn't it have been better to have your first account... not on a dating site? I mean, unless you're trying to get all the girls, of course. But you can't have Belle! Belley-welley is my girlfriend!_"

The lawyer is relieved to hear that it wasn't some girl- or guy- trying to flirt with him. Very, very, relieved. He doesn't exactly care about what Larry Butz has to say, but-

**_10 New Messages_**

Maya yelps in shock. "There's no way you're this popular! Your account was only made, what, _ten minutes_ ago? Time to check out the applicants!"

"...Applicants?"

"Aw, you know? _Applicants_... to your love life!"

"Maya, I-"

"Let's open them up! Hopefully they're not all from Larry!"

Without waiting a second, she opens up every message.

A welcome message from the site. A note from Dick Gumshoe to say happy birthday- a couple of months late. Another note from Gumshoe, if Phoenix needed any help polishing his badge. A word from Pearl- wait, why did she even have an account on this site? A notification from Russi Clover saying something about Ogres. An advertisement for the reopening of Fortune Center. A letter from Lordly Tailor- the suits were 5% off, what a deal. A memo from April May, who should've been in jail. A post from Mia Fey, who should've been _dead_. And finally- a message from Miles Edgeworth.

"_Hold it! Wright, what are you doing on this website?_"

The assistant giggles. "What's he doing on this website, then? I guess I should click on his profile to find out-"

"Don't." Phoenix stops Maya from clicking any further.

"Why?"

He looks around cautiously, then whispers. "Edgeworth will kill us if you click that link. Who knows what kind of _things_ he's been posting there. Dating websites are _serious business_."

"Mr Edgeworth'll only kill you. It's under your name, after all~" She happily proceeds to click on the link; a few seconds later, the duo are greeted with a handsome profile of Miles Edgeworth.

"...Woah."

"He looks even cooler than usual..."

"There's this blinding aura, even online..."

Maya glances at Phoenix. Then she is worried. "Nick! He's your best friend! You don't have to faint when you see him outside of real life- Nick, Nick! Are you okay?"

He doesn't look okay.

"Oh, no! What have I done? Nick's going to get the '_Miles Edgeworth is too beautiful for my mind, too pure_' disease! At this rate- he'll faint!" she thinks about what she said.

"Actually- that doesn't sound too bad!" Phoenix can tell that Maya is cooking up some plan. "If he does faint, then I'll have a couple of hours to myself, on the computer... so I can use it as a chance to 'further' Nick's relationships..." she stops talking for a minute to review her plan. "I'm a genius!"

"No, not really..." the attorney weakly states, but she ignores him all the same.

"I AM a genius!"

"Not at all..."

Maya quickly steps out of her chair to grab a thick blanket from the closet. She bends down and throws it over Phoenix, who then yells.

"Shh, Nick, you're disturbing the neighbors!"

_Well, you're disturbing me!_ he wants to reply. _We don't even have neighbors! We are literally just surrounded by cars!_ Phoenix is muffled by the blanket, and he can hear Maya tapping away at the keyboard. She looks dead serious. Phoenix falls asleep.

"Too easy."

Maya then uses his moment of rest to fire up on the computer, sending messages to- well, _everyone_. She takes a few breaks here and there; but by the time Phoenix wakes up again, he's gotten thirty-eight messages, seventy-three friend requests, and eighty people wanting to meet up with him.

Maya smiles innocently. Phoenix kicks her out and deletes his entire account.


End file.
